Press Hook Holiday Exclusive — My Quick Chat with Santa

Shortly after wrapping his annual appearance at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade yesterday, Santa agreed to meet me for a quick drink in his suite at The Sherry-Netherland. (Shout out to his North American elf publicist, Flacky, a big Press Hook fan.)

The only ground rules: no politics — and I couldn’t ask what I’m getting for Christmas.

PH: How’d it go today?

Santa: Didn’t love the rain. Snow is more my jam, as you know. But hey, people came out. Wasn’t freezing. No lampposts got blown over. Could have been worse! Always love New York. But glad to be back inside.

PH: You’ve partnered with Macy’s a long time…

Santa: For the parade, since 1924.

PH: Wow…

Santa: Yep. A hundred years on the nose. Though they skipped a couple parades during WW2 so this was technically the 98th, I think. But who’s counting? [laughs] Ho, ho, ho!

PH: How does it feel being the parade-closer for a century?

Santa: Well, that’s more years on NBC than Johnny Carson and I have the SAG card to prove it. Eat your heart out, Fallon! Ho, ho, ho! Did you see his sunglasses? Subtle. [laughs] Santa not only knows when you’re naughty or nice, he also knows when you’re hungover, Jimmy! [laughs] Ho, ho, ho!

PH: Do you like The Roots?

Santa: No! Hoda Kotb needs a better colorist. High definition TV is unforgiving. [laughs] Ho, ho, ho!

PH: Oh, Santa… I meant Fallon’s band! They were also in the parade.

Santa winks at Flacky.

Santa: Anyway, back in ‘32, I actually led the parade. Just that one time. Too much extra work. Easier to sleep in a bit, wait until it’s warmer out. Crowds are warmed up too.

PH: Makes sense.

Santa: Then I just cruise on down as the big finale. Bam! I’m Santa! Who can follow that? Ho, ho, ho! No one. Not even Taylor Swift. [laughs]

PH: Can’t argue there.

Santa: But my history with Macy’s goes even further back. Way back even before the beginning. I knew Rowland [Hussey Macy] when he was just a kid on Nantucket. I told Isidor [Straus] not to sail on the Titanic. Few people understood icebergs better than Santa in those days. [sighs]

PH: Speaking of disasters, any idea what happened with Macy’s $154 million expenses error?

Santa: Don’t look at Santa! [laughs] Seriously, that’s a weird one. No idea. Embezzling I could understand — which is a very, very naughty thing to do, everyone… but at least it makes sense. This is just odd. [sighs] Can I tell you something else?

PH: Sure.

Santa: Macy’s is great. They’ve always been good to Santa. The impersonators are a little creepy, not gonna lie. But off season, I’m kind of a Bergdorf’s guy.

I notice Flacky signaling anxiously to Santa.

Santa: And remember Barney’s downtown? That was a loss.

Flacky: We really have to wrap this up! Santa is very busy this time of year!

PH: Okay, what’s your favorite part of the parade? Any standout moments this year?

Santa: Well, the kids, of course. It’s always the children. Their precious little faces seeing Santa in person, yada yada. But, oh, my goodness… Kylie Minogue! I can’t get that out of my head! Pop perfection, and she’s still looking pretty good too. Ho, ho, ho! Not as good as Santa, but close! [laughs]

PH: Did you get to meet Cynthia Erivo?

Santa: Of course. So talented.

PH: Have you seen Wicked yet?

Santa: [nodding] David Geffen had a screening months ago. A little long — and I am not so into having to wait years for part two. But a stunner. Worth it.

PH: Better than Broadway?

Santa: Impossible. Nothing beats live. I was talking to Lea Salonga about that earlier this morning. Did you see her in the Sondheim review with Bernadette Peters, by the way? Oh, my goodness! Mrs. Claus and I caught that in London twice! The ultimate.

PH: You know everyone, Santa!

Santa: Well, put it this way. Everyone ends up on one of my lists. I’m like J. Edgar Hoover minus the evil and the cross-dr…

Flacky: [interrupting] Very sorry! We really have to wrap this now!

Santa: Ho, ho, ho-okay! And speaking of lists, thank you for asking me to collab on making one for Press Hook. Excellent Holiday Must-Haves for 2024. Who knows shopping and gift-giving better than Santa? Ho, ho, ho!

PH: No one! Thank you, Santa.

Santa: I’m especially into the “Wine for Mrs. Claus” option and the “Wylies Wood’s Leather Apron.” Fantastic deals! Happy Black Friday, everyone! No rampaging at Walmart! That’s one of the fastest ways onto Santa’s permanent naughty list. [laughs] Ho, ho, ho!